How to cook a D.C. Turkey
I, like I’m sure many of my fellow Americans, still find it expensive to put together a Thanksgiving meal thanks to continued inflation and the economic policies of the Biden administration. As this is the 403rd anniversary of this great American day of giving thanks for our blessings and freedom, I wanted to help ensure my readers had the best Thanksgiving dinner possible. If the turkey in the local grocery store has proved to be too expensive, then let me suggest a cheaper alternative. I have discovered that our nation’s capital, Washington, DC, has plenty of free turkeys!
There are some things that one should be aware of before getting one of these free D.C. turkeys.
First, D.C. turkeys don’t cook as well due to their lack of backbones. They also don’t taste as good as they are mostly full of pork fat and have very little meat. You will find though that their cavities aren’t filled with delicious stuffing, but rather are just filled with promises, but note, those have no taste either.
Another issue with D.C. turkeys is their skin is too thin and doesn’t hold up to the heat of the oven or deep fryer – or voters for that matter. If you, like me, use the giblets to make your gravy, you’ll find it impossible to locate any guts in these birds, especially hearts. However, you will find they have oversized lungs because D.C. turkeys tend to be able to hold more hot air than any other bird on earth.
On second thought, maybe it is better to just go and buy one at the local grocery store, even if it is still more expensive than it was just a few years ago (like when Trump was President), and just allow those D.C. turkeys to do what they do best; strut around and make a lot of noise. Besides, while those D.C. turkeys seem free right now, in a couple months you will get a bill for them and the real cost will be billion of dollars a pound.
Wishing you and yours a very Happy Thanksgiving!
AUTHOR’S NOTE: A version of this post was first published on my Facebook page in 2021 with another version of it also printed in the Marietta Daily Journal on Nov. 16, 2021 in time for the 400th anniversary of the 1st Thanksgiving.
Hm, apparently you missed the cover story on USA Today illustrating the price drops on all of your Thanksgiving favorites from last year to this one.
Now, let’s revisit this in a year after the orange god-king deports farm and meat packing plant workers and imposes tariffs on our two largest agricultural trading partners. I’ll be interested to see how y’all boys try to spin that one.
Apparently you missed the part where I said, “even if it is still more expensive than it was just a few years ago (like when Trump was President)” which it is. The average cost of a Thanksgiving meal has fallen each year since its high in 2022, but according to Farm Bureau, the cost still remains well above the average of the Trump administration.
https://nationalnutgrower.com/news/farm-bureau-report-thanksgiving-dinner-cost-falls/
So not only do you lack any humor, you actually don’t even have your facts correct.
It’s not that I lack humor. You simply aren’t funny.