How to cook a D.C. Turkey
I, like I’m sure many of my fellow Americans, still find it expensive to put together a Thanksgiving meal thanks to continued inflation and the economic policies of the Biden administration. As this is the 403rd anniversary of this great American day of giving thanks for our blessings and freedom, I wanted to help ensure my readers had the best Thanksgiving dinner possible. If the turkey in the local grocery store has proved to be too expensive, then let me suggest a cheaper alternative. I have discovered that our nation’s capital, Washington, DC, has plenty of free turkeys!
There are some things that one should be aware of before getting one of these free D.C. turkeys.
First, D.C. turkeys don’t cook as well due to their lack of backbones. They also don’t taste as good as they are mostly full of pork fat and have very little meat. You will find though that their cavities aren’t filled with delicious stuffing, but rather are just filled with promises, but note, those have no taste either.
Another issue with D.C. turkeys is their skin is too thin and doesn’t hold up to the heat of the oven or deep fryer – or voters for that matter. If you, like me, use the giblets to make your gravy, you’ll find it impossible to locate any guts in these birds, especially hearts. However, you will find they have oversized lungs because D.C. turkeys tend to be able to hold more hot air than any other bird on earth.
On second thought, maybe it is better to just go and buy one at the local grocery store, even if it is still more expensive than it was just a few years ago (like when Trump was President), and just allow those D.C. turkeys to do what they do best; strut around and make a lot of noise. Besides, while those D.C. turkeys seem free right now, in a couple months you will get a bill for them and the real cost will be billion of dollars a pound.
Wishing you and yours a very Happy Thanksgiving!
AUTHOR’S NOTE: A version of this post was first published on my Facebook page in 2021 with another version of it also printed in the Marietta Daily Journal on Nov. 16, 2021 in time for the 400th anniversary of the 1st Thanksgiving.
