Morning Reads: Feb 4, 2025
Scot wants the morning reads brought back, and thanks to my brilliance as an AI afficianado, I prepared these morning reads in about three minutes. Now, a couple of notes:
1. When I use the morning reads, I will use Perplexity to prepare them.
2. I will choose a voice with which to write the article descriptions. It will be a famous comic or comedic actor with a distinctive voice. You don’t win anything if you guess right, but we’ll celebrate you.
3. Are meant to be light in nature, not a manifesto. Get some enjoyment out of them, but don’t look for them to be purposefully driven other than to inform.
4. Want a certain voice that people can guess? Send an email over to me at nonamegrifter@gmail.com.
That said, the morning reads for February 4, 2025
Severe Weather Shenanigans
GREETINGS, YOU MAGNIFICENT WEATHER WATCHERS! Georgia has decided to dedicate an entire week to teaching its citizens about the sky’s various temper tantrums. Yes, you heard that correctly – an entire week of learning how not to get zapped, soaked, or blown away by Mother Nature’s mood swings!
Military Competition Extravaganza
BAH! Two absolutely splendid specimens of military might, Sgt. White and Spc. Lu, have emerged victorious in what can only be described as the most RIGOROUS display of warrior prowess this side of the Mason-Dixon line. GLORIOUS!
Aerospace Adventure
BEHOLD! PBS Aerospace has declared with utmost GRANDEUR that they shall bestow upon Roswell a most magnificent gift of $20 MILLION DOLLARS! And what’s this? 95 new jobs? How deliciously generous of them!
Air Traffic Drama
OH MY GOODNESS ME! The Trump administration has decided to spare our beloved air traffic controllers from their grand resignation scheme. How frightfully considerate of them!
Basketball Theatrics
In a display of athletic PROWESS and DETERMINATION, young Myles Tate absolutely DOMINATED the court with 25 points! Though alas, poor Georgia State fell to the mighty Appalachian State. What a thoroughly dramatic affair!
OpenAI’s Research Revolution
WITNESS the unveiling of OpenAI’s latest TECHNOLOGICAL TRIUMPH – a deep research agent of such PROFOUND capability that it can tackle the most COMPLEX of research endeavors! Though do mind the monthly query limits, you eager researchers!
Chinese Meddling
BEHOLD the MAGNIFICENT CARNAGE in the tech stocks! Nearly ONE TRILLION DOLLARS – yes, you heard that correctly – VANISHED into the ether faster than a magician’s assistant!
Oh my pearls!
The cryptocurrency markets, those DIGITAL PLEASURE GARDENS of speculation, weren’t spared from this DELICIOUS DRAMA! Bitcoin, that proud digital peacock, SWOOPED below $99,000, causing collective GASPS and PEARL-CLUTCHING across trading floors worldwide!
